You sure have been in that territory; the realm of guilt. You go
there whenever there is a mismatch between your idealistic self and your true
one. The air in it is heavy and toxic. You hurry up to get out but you cannot
control it. A part of you may be happy to be there because it means something.
I do not know what it means, but it is surely not something trivial. You are
terrified and your soul may be shaken if you discover that the toxic air is
not bothering you anymore. However, if you are touched with evil, it will be a
priceless relief.

Dostoyevsky once said that people are happy when others condemn them
for the mistakes they made. People like it when they are tormented by the
memory of their horrible mistakes, and why shouldn't they be?! Don't we feel
good when we see others upset when we drift away from our path? I know I do. I
think it has something to do with our desire for attention. If those around us
are triggered by our wrongdoings, then we are getting attention. So, they are
equally rewarding; the good and the bad; wither ways we get the attention we
crave.

The idea that we have multiple persons within us, is so profound.
Upon thinking, I concluded there are three people inside each of us*; the
sinner, the real and the ideal. Now, the ideal is the most interesting because
it is the one that holds the real one when it's heading towards inevitable
self-destruction. But what does this ideal consist of? Where does it come from?

It is complex. Some may have an idea composed of religious values,
some from societal norms and traditions, some through independent thought
processes. However we put it, the ideal is a powerful figure because, as it may
help us reach beyond our limits, it can also lead us to resentment and
self-loathing. Every time our actions aren't aligned with the ideal, we beat
ourselves for messing up; here is where we enter the realm of guilt. The idea
is everything we ever hoped for; every skill we wish we had and everything we
ever wanted from ourselves. I believe that whenever we admire someone, this
admiration is a projection of our own ideals. We see parts of our perfect self in that person and therefore we cling to them, and maybe even idolize them.
Jordan Peterson puts it neatly; the ideal self is the judge, and it's a harsh
one.

In conclusion, if you had no picture of the perfect state of being,
you won't know when you made a mistake. You wouldn't enter the realm of guilt
so frequently. If you are living in the moment and not hoping for anything in
the future, you wouldn't care if your car got stolen unless you wanted it right
at that moment. If you knew how valuable guilt is, you would wish that the
toxic air kills you every time you got near it. Say you went into the realm and
felt overly comfortable, that my friend should make your blood runs cold.

The few people whom I told about
this idea thought I was crazy, so if you thought that too, you are not alone my
friend.